The Brand New Testament film review ★★★★★

“God is an abusive, bitter, misogynist asshole. He lives in Brussels.”

That’s the basic pitch for The Brand New Testament, which spins that set-up into a story about his oppressed wife who may be a goddess, Ea, a rebellious daughter you’ve never heard of, and the quest she undertakes after escaping their flat to gather six disciples (adding to her brother JC’s 12) and write the titular testament.

Cue miscellaneous quirk, wonky computer graphics, and a fairy tale structure that both helps and hinders the story as God viciously pursues Ea in revenge for her sowing dissension amongst his creations by releasing everyone’s date of death.

Each disciple gets their story, with Ea’s odyssey bringing her into contact with a sociopathic killer, a (curiously tame) sex addict, a socialite with a yen for primates, and more. The stories do allow for striking moments of beauty – a woman dancing with her own tastefully severed hand, a young boy self-assured and free in his red dress, and a lone man conducting a flock of birds at the North Pole.

But more than anything else we were constantly reminded of Amelie, albeit with a distractingly self-aware sensibility and a veneer of easy jabs at the previous two testaments. Not quite as funny, dark, insightful, clever, or emotional as it could have been, The Brand New Testament is a far cry from the greatest story ever told.